When the wakening dawn gribs you tight
One foot down, let the other follow.
When the mirage of nations knot your mind
Loosen each bundle, one then another.
When the drumming beat knocks on your heart
Breathe slowly, transcend to your peaceful rythm.
Rest.
Each moment that moves, another lotus is emerging beneath your step.
(Inspired while pulling into the gym parking lot.)
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
DISCLAIMER:
The following 4 blogs were written since October, but I just posted them on here from Facebook. Enjoy!
Santa for President!!!
(Disclaimer: I do not regard myself as anyone who is really concerned about politics, however I am informed. My thoughts may be viewed as immature and ignorant, and feel free to think that. This is really just to give explanation on why I will be writing Santa Claus in on the ballot.)
Alright Already! I may be the only one, but I am SO over this election. Something that was a fought for right has turned into salacious gossip (I have "US Weekly" for that), and most often with greater focus on the fact that Michelle Obama shops at "White House Black Market" than her husband's political policies. Do I really care if my future president is a good dancer on" Ellen?" Is it really any of my concern what Sarah Palin's calves look like, how she does on SNL or anyone's racial background? Seriously people.
I have read many posts and blogs and heard conversations regarding this topic and it is strange to me that political figures, people whom we are not eternally governed by, have the power to stir dissension in such a manner. The fact is, we must, in regard to the candidates and in the words of someone wise, choose between a crap sandwich and a crap milkshake. Not ideal, but it really is true.
(....At least with Santa toys are involved, and we already know he can handle globalization and effective foreign relations. Can YOU go around the world in one night while creating peace and happiness...????)
We have bigger fish to fry...I recently heard a sermon about Heaven, Hell and eternity, and as a result feel I must seriously ask myself if I really have room on my plate to be bothered by an earthly hierarchy filled with better wordsmiths than me. This could, however, be my bias talking as I have never been very good at people and pedestals.
Yes, it is important that we are well informed, have a voice, hope for change and pick who we think will do that for us personally, but beyond that give this sensationalism no more power. I can just see it now.... New reality show, "America's Next Top President." Boy, oh boy!Please, lets give politics and political figures proper respect, time and energy.
Judgement.
How can it be that this one word, that this one action, that this one idea can cause so much strife, heartache and isolation. Not only is this induced by the people receiving the backlash, but it is always the final resting place of the persecutor. Even with this knowledge, we still go around rambling phrases like, " Well, atleast I am not THAT bad" or " Thank GOODNESS I am better than him/her" or my personal favorite, " Bless their heart." Sheesh! We toss these disdain dripping phrases and words around so freely, and usually to mask our own insecurity...
...Yes, you know I am right. Don't shake your head.
Feeling defensive??? Don't worry, I am also exposing myself right now. I have recently judged and I have recently been judged. I have seen people that I care deeply about be shackled in judgment's prison for their differences, ideas and others lack of understanding. I have, at times, felt hateful things in my heart about others because I couldn't get my own act together and I have also witnessed how wrong I usually am; how wrong we ALL usually are.
Most of the time our discomfort grows and judgment starts rearing it's ugly head when others challenge our paradigm of understanding, when they throw a curve ball into our suburban vortex and when they, with their fearless actions, shatter our cozy and comfy stereotypes.
Boy, do we HATE when his happens.
I have people in my life covered in tatoos, people that are considered radical thinkers, people that push the envelope and people that, at times, slap me across the face with surprise... Bless their heart.They show me everyday how ridiculous my safety bubble is, and yes, many times it makes me wanna throw things at them and cuss loudly .... However, I pray that we may all have the great opportunity to experience their radiance and audacity and appreciate it when we do. I can only hope we learn greater tolerance and have a more appreciative heart in regard to the way Christ feels about all of us, his silly and security hungry kids.
I wonder what He might say to us in these moments... I think it might sound a little something like, " * Do not judge, or you too will be judged. " Hmmm, wise words. We should really start listening more closely....
* Matthew 7:1
...Yes, you know I am right. Don't shake your head.
Feeling defensive??? Don't worry, I am also exposing myself right now. I have recently judged and I have recently been judged. I have seen people that I care deeply about be shackled in judgment's prison for their differences, ideas and others lack of understanding. I have, at times, felt hateful things in my heart about others because I couldn't get my own act together and I have also witnessed how wrong I usually am; how wrong we ALL usually are.
Most of the time our discomfort grows and judgment starts rearing it's ugly head when others challenge our paradigm of understanding, when they throw a curve ball into our suburban vortex and when they, with their fearless actions, shatter our cozy and comfy stereotypes.
Boy, do we HATE when his happens.
I have people in my life covered in tatoos, people that are considered radical thinkers, people that push the envelope and people that, at times, slap me across the face with surprise... Bless their heart.They show me everyday how ridiculous my safety bubble is, and yes, many times it makes me wanna throw things at them and cuss loudly .... However, I pray that we may all have the great opportunity to experience their radiance and audacity and appreciate it when we do. I can only hope we learn greater tolerance and have a more appreciative heart in regard to the way Christ feels about all of us, his silly and security hungry kids.
I wonder what He might say to us in these moments... I think it might sound a little something like, " * Do not judge, or you too will be judged. " Hmmm, wise words. We should really start listening more closely....
* Matthew 7:1
Heaven.
Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. - John 17: 3It is on nights like this, when the wind is cold and crisp and the air smells strangely of the universal childhood, that I cannot be anything but restless......
It is on nights like this, when I lay in bed typing away, feeling like my queen size bed is its own island and to travel from one side to the other would only further isolate and exhaust, that my heart grows anxious.
I think that we all have times of life when things are going very well and there is much to look forward to, yet we feel alone and antsy. When our happiness plays tug-of-war with our natural instincts, intincts that harldy ever cause one to be open, extroverted and optimistic.
Sometimes I can't help but shake a certain feeling, one that alway turns my eyes to the sky, and one that longs for rescue from this world . When this happens, my eyes pull upward, as if magnetically drawn to the dwelling place of my Father.
I look around at what we all do to eachother and ourselves and the state of this world, and can't help but desire a day when we are taken to our eternity and are FINALLY at peace. I am hopeful of a time where we will rest with the ones we have lost, have our "why?" questions answered and understand what all of our heartache and joy was for. This may seem like an extreme thought, but it holds my restlessness often and I can't lie about that.
In the words of my new friend, Oswald Chambers, "Life without war is impossible either in nature or in grace. The basis of physical, mental, moral, and spiritual life is antagonism. This is the open fact of life."
...and you ask why I could possibly long for this day; the day of rescue?
We are given life to be joyful in, to learn from and to store up many treasures for our eternity. However, I know that none of my happiness on earth will be close to that of in Heaven and I peacefully rest in that; seeing the pain of this world, how can I not? Knowing we live a life of war, it is not possible to believe otherwise.
Until this time all we can do, I assume, is focus our energies precisely, try to live a life of conviction and love, and remember these words in our times of trouble and lack of understanding..." Be good cheer, I have overcome the world." I will take heart in this... and always with my eyes turned upward.
A Different Kind of Resolution
In 1 day, 3 hours and 46 mintues it will officially be 2009...
In this same amount of time people all over the world will be celebrating, spending time with friends and family and reminiscing on the memories of 2008. This turning of the year also represents many resolutions that will be made and even more that will quickly end January 2nd...please don't be offended, you know it's true:)
As I look back on this year, it is astounding to me all of the changes that have occured in my life and all of the growing I did. There have been many adjustments made, some loss, new relationships, old one's nurtured and grown, chapters closed and begun... and all of this just makes me ask the question," What in the heck is coming in 2009??!" The beautiful part is , however, the mystery and hope that rests in the NOT knowing... January 1st marks a peaceful place of inspiration and renewal that is somewhat child-like. The innocent way in which we embrace and open the door of a new year, despite anything that has occured in the last 365 days, is an inspiring moment of faith.
My prayer for this new year is one filled with grace, mercy and that child-like faith that does not walk in the shadows of the past or in fear of the future. Rather, that we are able to be the "church" to one another, and that we offer the fruits of the spirit with unconditional love and faith-filled expectancy.
MUCH LOVE AND MANY BLESSINGS IN THE NEW YEAR...
"When we see eachother or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. " - The ShackBy: William P. Young
In this same amount of time people all over the world will be celebrating, spending time with friends and family and reminiscing on the memories of 2008. This turning of the year also represents many resolutions that will be made and even more that will quickly end January 2nd...please don't be offended, you know it's true:)
As I look back on this year, it is astounding to me all of the changes that have occured in my life and all of the growing I did. There have been many adjustments made, some loss, new relationships, old one's nurtured and grown, chapters closed and begun... and all of this just makes me ask the question," What in the heck is coming in 2009??!" The beautiful part is , however, the mystery and hope that rests in the NOT knowing... January 1st marks a peaceful place of inspiration and renewal that is somewhat child-like. The innocent way in which we embrace and open the door of a new year, despite anything that has occured in the last 365 days, is an inspiring moment of faith.
My prayer for this new year is one filled with grace, mercy and that child-like faith that does not walk in the shadows of the past or in fear of the future. Rather, that we are able to be the "church" to one another, and that we offer the fruits of the spirit with unconditional love and faith-filled expectancy.
MUCH LOVE AND MANY BLESSINGS IN THE NEW YEAR...
"When we see eachother or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. " - The ShackBy: William P. Young
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
LIFE IN ACTION
Boy, am I hard on myself....
I have been gone for a while from this post and while I will say that I am so glad to have these entries to reflect back on, I will also say that I am WAY to tough on myself. So much (not all) of what I have written is so perfection-seeking and sounds more like verbal drill-seargant school than anything. I can't be THAT bad and THAT confused by life. I should give my Father a LITTLE MORE credit than that, I think.
No more.
I am so not saying that I am not still growing, not still learning and not still screwing up. However, I will say that I plan on taking this blog in a little different direction. One that is less focused on what a situation has taught me in simple words, and more of a showing of that teaching through the picture my words, opinions and other prose' draw and articulate.
Hold tight for life in ACTION. NOT just discussion.
(You may notice a new design to this blog soon; I am trying some different HTML thangs out!)
Jess
I have been gone for a while from this post and while I will say that I am so glad to have these entries to reflect back on, I will also say that I am WAY to tough on myself. So much (not all) of what I have written is so perfection-seeking and sounds more like verbal drill-seargant school than anything. I can't be THAT bad and THAT confused by life. I should give my Father a LITTLE MORE credit than that, I think.
No more.
I am so not saying that I am not still growing, not still learning and not still screwing up. However, I will say that I plan on taking this blog in a little different direction. One that is less focused on what a situation has taught me in simple words, and more of a showing of that teaching through the picture my words, opinions and other prose' draw and articulate.
Hold tight for life in ACTION. NOT just discussion.
(You may notice a new design to this blog soon; I am trying some different HTML thangs out!)
Jess
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
"Oh Captain, My Captain."
I was sitting in my boss's office earlier this morning watching a movie....you heard it right; a movie. To our defense, however, it was research for our " At the Movies" series. So ya, there we were watching clips of the maginificant and classic "Dead Poets Society." If you have not seen this movie, it is a MUST. For us english nerds, it is one of the great inspirations of our chosen passion.
As the movie rolled, the climactic part beagn... The part in which all of the the teacher's students ( all male, as it is an all boys school) stand on their desks and recite the phrase to him, " Oh Captain, My Captain." I got chills. To take a writers words and offer it to someone as a gift of endearment is truly a remarkable way of romancing, and is very personal...And that is what they were doing, giving their teacher a huge gift of respect and heart.
I once gave someone a book of poetry, and inside of it was a stanza from my favorite poem by Dylan Thomas, " Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, Rage against the dying of the light." To other readers this may mean nothing, but to me it opens up colors and artistry that meld and manifest into my soul, creating a sense of ownership and security. To have written this in the gift I gave was nothing less than an offer of my heart and soul, and thus proves my idea of owning anothers words and how powerful it is to offer them as gifts.
It is so important that we open our hearts and minds up to the great literature and words of those before us, and bring them into this world. I promise, they will enrich your life, paradigm and vocabulary far more than what Lil' Wayne can offer...."OHHHKAAAY!"
-Just sayin'
As the movie rolled, the climactic part beagn... The part in which all of the the teacher's students ( all male, as it is an all boys school) stand on their desks and recite the phrase to him, " Oh Captain, My Captain." I got chills. To take a writers words and offer it to someone as a gift of endearment is truly a remarkable way of romancing, and is very personal...And that is what they were doing, giving their teacher a huge gift of respect and heart.
I once gave someone a book of poetry, and inside of it was a stanza from my favorite poem by Dylan Thomas, " Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, Rage against the dying of the light." To other readers this may mean nothing, but to me it opens up colors and artistry that meld and manifest into my soul, creating a sense of ownership and security. To have written this in the gift I gave was nothing less than an offer of my heart and soul, and thus proves my idea of owning anothers words and how powerful it is to offer them as gifts.
It is so important that we open our hearts and minds up to the great literature and words of those before us, and bring them into this world. I promise, they will enrich your life, paradigm and vocabulary far more than what Lil' Wayne can offer...."OHHHKAAAY!"
-Just sayin'
Monday, August 18, 2008
MY SPEECH BUBBLE...
I recently bought a c.d. (yes, this still happens in 2008) by an artist named Duffy. She is somewhat new and most known for her song, "Mercy." The album proved to be not only a respectable throwback to the vinyl and velvety ( I hope that is a word) 50's and 60's era, but also offered me an opportunity to relate and reflect...
I felt this the most while listening to track 10, "Distant Dreamer." As the lyrics played, " ...I'm wondering about my destiny. I am think about all the things I'd like to do in my life...I'm a DREAMER, a distant DREAMER..." Suddenly I began to develope that jaw-tightening and egg-like lump that rests in your throat during intense moments of happy emotion. These lyrics got my wheels turning and instantly it all became clear to me, as a wave of hope and excitement drowned my soul. My speech bubble might have looked a little like this..."I have the whole world to play in and and exciting future that is more thrilling than any moment of frustration or stagnation I may feel. " I felt light and drew a smile...:)
I say all of this as more of a "thought-blurb" than to offer Pascal-esque insight...telling of this "light bulb" moment is only meant to offer something relational to whoever reads this. That you too can be a "distant dreamer" no matter how stuck in the sand or different you may feel:)
Thanks for sitting in my randomness with me for a bit...-J
I felt this the most while listening to track 10, "Distant Dreamer." As the lyrics played, " ...I'm wondering about my destiny. I am think about all the things I'd like to do in my life...I'm a DREAMER, a distant DREAMER..." Suddenly I began to develope that jaw-tightening and egg-like lump that rests in your throat during intense moments of happy emotion. These lyrics got my wheels turning and instantly it all became clear to me, as a wave of hope and excitement drowned my soul. My speech bubble might have looked a little like this..."I have the whole world to play in and and exciting future that is more thrilling than any moment of frustration or stagnation I may feel. " I felt light and drew a smile...:)
I say all of this as more of a "thought-blurb" than to offer Pascal-esque insight...telling of this "light bulb" moment is only meant to offer something relational to whoever reads this. That you too can be a "distant dreamer" no matter how stuck in the sand or different you may feel:)
Thanks for sitting in my randomness with me for a bit...-J
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
My Acorns
It has been a while since I have blogged on this thing, and due to the fact that I have decided to get rid of myspace, I feel that now is as good a time as any to start blogging more regularly.
ALOT has gone on in my life recently. Not only have I decided to regress to my first major, English-Literature, have found my new apartment, have gained a degree minor and have learned that my dad is getting married in September, I have also decided to nuture some neglected relationships in my life....
Last night I went and stayed with my grandma, cousin and aunt in Katy due to the "tropical storm. " More like a sprinkle of precipitation that just so happened to form in a somewhat tropical place that experienced one lightening bolt. Nonetheless, I went to stay with them. It was a very fun evening and was marked as one of many days that we have spent together recently. Since my parents have left, I have somewhat isolated myself from a few important people in my life and it has been so nice to reconnect with my family and to get to have this, what is now weekly, quality time together. I enjoy the conection I feel to family, and it is awesome to have those moments where I remember times with them as a little girl, and can't believe how much time has passed.
While I have been so resistant to change and have been too stubborn to ask people for help or for some quality time, this is an example of how breaking down those walls can bless your life.
I recognized this the most this morning while I was sitting in the recliner next to my grandma, drinking coffee with her and having the same feeling I did every morning with my mom. What can I say, I guess the acorn never really does fall too far, you just have to care enough to look for it.
ALOT has gone on in my life recently. Not only have I decided to regress to my first major, English-Literature, have found my new apartment, have gained a degree minor and have learned that my dad is getting married in September, I have also decided to nuture some neglected relationships in my life....
Last night I went and stayed with my grandma, cousin and aunt in Katy due to the "tropical storm. " More like a sprinkle of precipitation that just so happened to form in a somewhat tropical place that experienced one lightening bolt. Nonetheless, I went to stay with them. It was a very fun evening and was marked as one of many days that we have spent together recently. Since my parents have left, I have somewhat isolated myself from a few important people in my life and it has been so nice to reconnect with my family and to get to have this, what is now weekly, quality time together. I enjoy the conection I feel to family, and it is awesome to have those moments where I remember times with them as a little girl, and can't believe how much time has passed.
While I have been so resistant to change and have been too stubborn to ask people for help or for some quality time, this is an example of how breaking down those walls can bless your life.
I recognized this the most this morning while I was sitting in the recliner next to my grandma, drinking coffee with her and having the same feeling I did every morning with my mom. What can I say, I guess the acorn never really does fall too far, you just have to care enough to look for it.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The Biggest Bite I Can Chew!
" I wish I had the opportunity to be arrogant or think that I am perfect, but I am humbled on a daily basis; I never get the chance. I have fallen UP the stairs twice this week!"
....words I spoke to a friend a while back as a response to their preconceived opinion of me...and believe me, this is SO true.
I bring this up due to a recent humbling experience I had. It is known that I work in ministry, and due to this it has been assumed that I am perfect, a theologian, grew up a Christian and that I have the ability to answer any religious question and can qoute anything from the bible....Oh, how untrue this is.
I was hanging out with two friends the other night and, as is typical, the conversation turned to philosphy, religion and other things too thought provoking for eleven o' clock on a Sunday night. Nonetheless, we began to speak of our faith and give our knowledge and opinions on the subject...I, someone who did not go to bible college, did not become a Christian until my pre-teen years and have strayed away from my "walk", was having this conversation with a bible- college attendee and a person who grew up a conseravative baptist....(gulp).
Soon they began to speak of relious philosophy and doctrine, many things I had never heard of before and had no idea about. I was greatly intrigued and thirsty to hear more, but in hybrid so very aware of my lack of knowledge in these areas, areas that are relevant to the field in which I WORK! I had that, "What the crap am I doing?!" thought, for sure. (curious about Prince, boxing or proper vocabulary/punctuation and I am your girl)
So ya, I felt in over my head.
Have you ever had this feeling, a feeling of being so out of your league that if you were to reveal your true identity people would point, laugh and call you a fraud?
I am all to familiar.
(Diclaimer: No one has ever made me feel this way, or treated me as beneath them due to my historical reality. No, this would be a feeling from the unrighteous enemy, the one out for my demise.)
I say all of this as a way of being relational and real. I know that, on paper, I am not the best person for the jobI do. I know that I often feel like a new Christian, and that I do not have the experiences of anything close to a conservative baptist, bible scholar who is on the praise and worship team. (Dislcaimer: this is not a bad thing if you are, I am just not. Trust me, your ears are thanking you and I think these are some of the most brilliant people I know.)
The learning curve is SO against me...
Or, is it?
For some reason God has chosen me to do what I do and He knows that I am capable. For some reason people believe in me despite my resume, and given that, I refuse to let the swell of the waves of inadequecy to take me under.
I have to remember that I was CHOSEN at this time and in His divine plan for my life, to minister and speak of my truth in faith and life to other people; He has asked me to talk about His life (double-gulp).
I am not perfect or the most knowledgable, but I have the heart for Him and His word, as well as the desire for knowledge. Thus I know that I am right where I am suppossed to be no matter how incapable I may feel at times.
So, If you are someone feeling like you have bitten of more than you can chew, then you probaly did, and keep chewing...All I can think is, He gave us molars for a reason:)
....words I spoke to a friend a while back as a response to their preconceived opinion of me...and believe me, this is SO true.
I bring this up due to a recent humbling experience I had. It is known that I work in ministry, and due to this it has been assumed that I am perfect, a theologian, grew up a Christian and that I have the ability to answer any religious question and can qoute anything from the bible....Oh, how untrue this is.
I was hanging out with two friends the other night and, as is typical, the conversation turned to philosphy, religion and other things too thought provoking for eleven o' clock on a Sunday night. Nonetheless, we began to speak of our faith and give our knowledge and opinions on the subject...I, someone who did not go to bible college, did not become a Christian until my pre-teen years and have strayed away from my "walk", was having this conversation with a bible- college attendee and a person who grew up a conseravative baptist....(gulp).
Soon they began to speak of relious philosophy and doctrine, many things I had never heard of before and had no idea about. I was greatly intrigued and thirsty to hear more, but in hybrid so very aware of my lack of knowledge in these areas, areas that are relevant to the field in which I WORK! I had that, "What the crap am I doing?!" thought, for sure. (curious about Prince, boxing or proper vocabulary/punctuation and I am your girl)
So ya, I felt in over my head.
Have you ever had this feeling, a feeling of being so out of your league that if you were to reveal your true identity people would point, laugh and call you a fraud?
I am all to familiar.
(Diclaimer: No one has ever made me feel this way, or treated me as beneath them due to my historical reality. No, this would be a feeling from the unrighteous enemy, the one out for my demise.)
I say all of this as a way of being relational and real. I know that, on paper, I am not the best person for the jobI do. I know that I often feel like a new Christian, and that I do not have the experiences of anything close to a conservative baptist, bible scholar who is on the praise and worship team. (Dislcaimer: this is not a bad thing if you are, I am just not. Trust me, your ears are thanking you and I think these are some of the most brilliant people I know.)
The learning curve is SO against me...
Or, is it?
For some reason God has chosen me to do what I do and He knows that I am capable. For some reason people believe in me despite my resume, and given that, I refuse to let the swell of the waves of inadequecy to take me under.
I have to remember that I was CHOSEN at this time and in His divine plan for my life, to minister and speak of my truth in faith and life to other people; He has asked me to talk about His life (double-gulp).
I am not perfect or the most knowledgable, but I have the heart for Him and His word, as well as the desire for knowledge. Thus I know that I am right where I am suppossed to be no matter how incapable I may feel at times.
So, If you are someone feeling like you have bitten of more than you can chew, then you probaly did, and keep chewing...All I can think is, He gave us molars for a reason:)
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Stagnation VS. Progress
Stagnation sucks the life right out of me. It is the ABSOLUTELY most, tired, obnoxious, ignorant, and well, life sucking place to be stuck in. To be standing still on this earth and to be content with the ordinary of mind, a mundane existence, and a soul-searching status-quo is something that makes my skin crawl.
And, it was once my mantra...this I only recently became aware of.
Lately, well I guess in the last few months, I have seen where I have allowed myself to be content and accepting of so many things about myself and my life; none of these things do I think are good, I might add. I have seen where I have marinated in heartache. Where I have spent a shameful amount of time re-living my past; trying to make sense of it. I have seen myself wanting so badly to move forward, just to find myself 3 steps back in the wrong direction.
My mind....it has been dangerous.
This has previously been my weapon of choice. It has been my downfall and has allowed the enemy to invade so freely. It has confused me and kept me out of reality, so unaware of my blessings...almost, frustrated with God and my lack of understanding about my life. But why now? Where has this clarity from God come from?
I have been struggling with this answer for a few weeks now, and I think I am scratching the surface on the answer's great reveal....
My leg has been cut off, yes, that's it. My leg is missing. God helped me segregate it from my body.
This "leg" analogy was said to me by someone a while back, and although it was used in regard to one particular aspect of my life, I feel it applies to many of them.
Let me go back for a second....9 months ago my life, well, lets just say it was about as opposite as it could possibly be from it's current status. Given this, I must be honest in saying that the past 9 months have felt like "the deconstruction and rebuilding of Jessica." Never in my life (all 21 years of it) have so many things changed and been pulled out from under me in a given, and sequential, period of time.
In 9 months:
I have LOST tradition, security, relationships, friendships, housing, jobs, identity, self-respect and ideas.
I have GAINED tradition, security, relationships, friendships, housing, jobs, identity, self-respect and ideas.
My general paradigm of life, and my role in it, has been ROCKED to the core.
Now, I recognize that everyone goes through these kinds of changes in life. I assert that I am not alone and that I shall win no prize for hard-times. Nor, do I think I should. What I am expressing is, in essence, my belief in the idea that stagnation will manifest into the decay of the human spirit. I am also expressing my newfound joy and vulnerability to this idea of a severed leg. Though, it DID hurt at first.
My life has been turned upside down, yes... and I do not want it rewind in any way. I have seen evidence of my faith, in that God always has something better for you waiting on the other side( I would advise not saying this to someone when they are ripe in their moment crisis and/or panic. Unless of course , you have a desire to get hit in the face). He has shown me how out of control I really am, and how arrogant and ignorant I have been to think that I can dictate His will. I have been shown the season's of relationships. I have had stare-downs with my self-value and self-worth. I have had to re-evaluate what behaviors I accept, from myself and others....and praise be to Him, I am still learning.
So when I think about my missing leg all I can say is, "Farewell!" I can truly say that life without it has been richer, harder, more full, more broken, stronger, weaker, heartbroken, healed, questioned and certain. Life without that ol' leg of mine has been AUTHENTIC, TRUE and PASSIONATE. I prefer all of the pain that comes with being de-activated from the "coast" setting, to the ignorant bliss I thought I had from my normal 50 mph.
My leg...well, I miss it not.
Progress:1 Stagnation:0
Matthew 18:7-9
7"Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! 8If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.
And, it was once my mantra...this I only recently became aware of.
Lately, well I guess in the last few months, I have seen where I have allowed myself to be content and accepting of so many things about myself and my life; none of these things do I think are good, I might add. I have seen where I have marinated in heartache. Where I have spent a shameful amount of time re-living my past; trying to make sense of it. I have seen myself wanting so badly to move forward, just to find myself 3 steps back in the wrong direction.
My mind....it has been dangerous.
This has previously been my weapon of choice. It has been my downfall and has allowed the enemy to invade so freely. It has confused me and kept me out of reality, so unaware of my blessings...almost, frustrated with God and my lack of understanding about my life. But why now? Where has this clarity from God come from?
I have been struggling with this answer for a few weeks now, and I think I am scratching the surface on the answer's great reveal....
My leg has been cut off, yes, that's it. My leg is missing. God helped me segregate it from my body.
This "leg" analogy was said to me by someone a while back, and although it was used in regard to one particular aspect of my life, I feel it applies to many of them.
Let me go back for a second....9 months ago my life, well, lets just say it was about as opposite as it could possibly be from it's current status. Given this, I must be honest in saying that the past 9 months have felt like "the deconstruction and rebuilding of Jessica." Never in my life (all 21 years of it) have so many things changed and been pulled out from under me in a given, and sequential, period of time.
In 9 months:
I have LOST tradition, security, relationships, friendships, housing, jobs, identity, self-respect and ideas.
I have GAINED tradition, security, relationships, friendships, housing, jobs, identity, self-respect and ideas.
My general paradigm of life, and my role in it, has been ROCKED to the core.
Now, I recognize that everyone goes through these kinds of changes in life. I assert that I am not alone and that I shall win no prize for hard-times. Nor, do I think I should. What I am expressing is, in essence, my belief in the idea that stagnation will manifest into the decay of the human spirit. I am also expressing my newfound joy and vulnerability to this idea of a severed leg. Though, it DID hurt at first.
My life has been turned upside down, yes... and I do not want it rewind in any way. I have seen evidence of my faith, in that God always has something better for you waiting on the other side( I would advise not saying this to someone when they are ripe in their moment crisis and/or panic. Unless of course , you have a desire to get hit in the face). He has shown me how out of control I really am, and how arrogant and ignorant I have been to think that I can dictate His will. I have been shown the season's of relationships. I have had stare-downs with my self-value and self-worth. I have had to re-evaluate what behaviors I accept, from myself and others....and praise be to Him, I am still learning.
So when I think about my missing leg all I can say is, "Farewell!" I can truly say that life without it has been richer, harder, more full, more broken, stronger, weaker, heartbroken, healed, questioned and certain. Life without that ol' leg of mine has been AUTHENTIC, TRUE and PASSIONATE. I prefer all of the pain that comes with being de-activated from the "coast" setting, to the ignorant bliss I thought I had from my normal 50 mph.
My leg...well, I miss it not.
Progress:1 Stagnation:0
Matthew 18:7-9
7"Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! 8If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.
MORE PLEASE!
This has to CHANGE...we are not isolated unto ourselves and our (very) little world of Sugar Land...Houston...Texas... THE UNITED STATES. So many things have occured in my life in recent months, making me realize this concept and grow with disgust of our consumption, mindsets, and general selfishness as an American culture.
When you realize that 1.2B people in the world live on less than one dollar a day, and American’s will spend $5 dollars a day on our venti-nonfat-no whip-sugar free- vanilla latte from Starbucks, it is easy to realize where my suffocation with our habits has formed from. First of all, lets make it clear; I love my country, I love a splurge every once and a while...and I also see the error of my often overly consuming and selfish ways.
I came back from Piedras Negras, Mexico a couple of weeks ago, and I have never felt more convicted of my habits. To be in a country having so much less than we do in a material sense, yet having so much more than we in every other way, is truly humbling. During my time in Mexico I noticed a sense of community, a sense of family, gratefulness for sheer neccesities met, giving spirits and a sense of unjaded vulnerablilty in interaction I’ve never experienced before...even within my own family at times.
All of this was a shock to my system seeing as I have NEVER been outside of my own comfort zone. Suddenly, "stuff" just didn’t seem that important. I asked myself, "Why do I need to go shopping for clothes once a week? Do I really need to drive that much? Why I am questing for MORE money all of the time?" Then I realized, "Oh yeah, I am American. It is our culture." Shame on us. We work so hard for empty items, stress so much, and don’t share our blessings with the less fortunate, enough.
We need to gain information, go out and search, open our minds, give of ourselves more. Our world can not keep on this path. A path filled with trying to gain more for only ourselves and our country; yet regarding the rest of the world and all the rest of GOD’s people with little care or concern. We must stop with phrases like, " If they don’t like it, they can go back to their country!" And honestly, I if I see one more rebel flag bumper sticker on a car , I will surely FREAK out!
This is not what it is about...isolation, pride beyond grace, prejudices, self-serving attitudes or having MORE. This life is about simplicity in CHRIST,a desire to live for HIM, shared blessings, tolerance and a love for others beyond politics or income. Do not be guilded in this world. For none of us are beyond, poverty, pain, lack of faith or suffering. Slow down, breathe, quit working so hard for hollow things...I will take my own advice.
J
Check out this video...a little intense, but should be seen:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=PTc_FoELt8s
When you realize that 1.2B people in the world live on less than one dollar a day, and American’s will spend $5 dollars a day on our venti-nonfat-no whip-sugar free- vanilla latte from Starbucks, it is easy to realize where my suffocation with our habits has formed from. First of all, lets make it clear; I love my country, I love a splurge every once and a while...and I also see the error of my often overly consuming and selfish ways.
I came back from Piedras Negras, Mexico a couple of weeks ago, and I have never felt more convicted of my habits. To be in a country having so much less than we do in a material sense, yet having so much more than we in every other way, is truly humbling. During my time in Mexico I noticed a sense of community, a sense of family, gratefulness for sheer neccesities met, giving spirits and a sense of unjaded vulnerablilty in interaction I’ve never experienced before...even within my own family at times.
All of this was a shock to my system seeing as I have NEVER been outside of my own comfort zone. Suddenly, "stuff" just didn’t seem that important. I asked myself, "Why do I need to go shopping for clothes once a week? Do I really need to drive that much? Why I am questing for MORE money all of the time?" Then I realized, "Oh yeah, I am American. It is our culture." Shame on us. We work so hard for empty items, stress so much, and don’t share our blessings with the less fortunate, enough.
We need to gain information, go out and search, open our minds, give of ourselves more. Our world can not keep on this path. A path filled with trying to gain more for only ourselves and our country; yet regarding the rest of the world and all the rest of GOD’s people with little care or concern. We must stop with phrases like, " If they don’t like it, they can go back to their country!" And honestly, I if I see one more rebel flag bumper sticker on a car , I will surely FREAK out!
This is not what it is about...isolation, pride beyond grace, prejudices, self-serving attitudes or having MORE. This life is about simplicity in CHRIST,a desire to live for HIM, shared blessings, tolerance and a love for others beyond politics or income. Do not be guilded in this world. For none of us are beyond, poverty, pain, lack of faith or suffering. Slow down, breathe, quit working so hard for hollow things...I will take my own advice.
J
Check out this video...a little intense, but should be seen:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=PTc_FoELt8s
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Hazy is the vision through the storm
Confusion plagued by beaming rays of light
No shield large enough to offer relief
Still, you go gently; cautious with a weary heart
Beauty is the reflection in the mirage of clarity
As you fill up your being with the desires of the other
Treading with ethereal confidence in the safety you reside
The waves blow up and take you under with the swell
You will swim forever in the odyssey of hope
Kept safe in the clear sight of the selfless
~~ You may never know the beauty that you radiate, but it burns brightly into the souls lucky with recognition. You are a cross with a yellow rose, you are the quiet one...who you just have to get to know.
Love- J
Confusion plagued by beaming rays of light
No shield large enough to offer relief
Still, you go gently; cautious with a weary heart
Beauty is the reflection in the mirage of clarity
As you fill up your being with the desires of the other
Treading with ethereal confidence in the safety you reside
The waves blow up and take you under with the swell
You will swim forever in the odyssey of hope
Kept safe in the clear sight of the selfless
~~ You may never know the beauty that you radiate, but it burns brightly into the souls lucky with recognition. You are a cross with a yellow rose, you are the quiet one...who you just have to get to know.
Love- J
I do it for LOVE
After many months of only having passion for writing blogs about the tragedies and depressions of my life, I have recently started to become engaged in my blessings (through taking responsibility for my own self-inflicted crap, of course). I am so thankful to see the silver lining and come out of the other side of my "victim" choke-hold...
Such is why I am writing this; as a labor of love to the people in my life who are so valued, who hold/held me accountable, and whom I could not have been inspired to grow without. I believe that with God and His desires for my life, I have been given gifts of friendship that I have never experienced before. I am thankful for every single person who has rallied around me these past few months...thank you for showing me what I have been too stubborn to see before; acceptance, loyalty, patience, and unconditional love....It is amazing what can happen when you LET IT GO and give it up to Him! I love you all so much...you know who you are <3
-Jess
Such is why I am writing this; as a labor of love to the people in my life who are so valued, who hold/held me accountable, and whom I could not have been inspired to grow without. I believe that with God and His desires for my life, I have been given gifts of friendship that I have never experienced before. I am thankful for every single person who has rallied around me these past few months...thank you for showing me what I have been too stubborn to see before; acceptance, loyalty, patience, and unconditional love....It is amazing what can happen when you LET IT GO and give it up to Him! I love you all so much...you know who you are <3
-Jess
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Melody of Thorns
I hear the voice, my beautiful enigma.
He is calling out to me, as his melody echoes in my heart.
He wants to show me something beautifully unfamiliar.
I cling to desperate hope.
Drawing closer with the innocence of the un-jaded,
I see the light that casts upon his face.
A light that masks what most fail to invision;
A glow of transparency that brings forth a humble heart .
Beyond it, a soul longing for release from earth's grip.
Before it, a soul broken by its release.
Our whisper of contact is something that will cause pain with the fall...
For His blessing has just escaped with the thorn in my flesh.
~To everything that is my Songbird...this is my cry...Please hear my voice.
He is calling out to me, as his melody echoes in my heart.
He wants to show me something beautifully unfamiliar.
I cling to desperate hope.
Drawing closer with the innocence of the un-jaded,
I see the light that casts upon his face.
A light that masks what most fail to invision;
A glow of transparency that brings forth a humble heart .
Beyond it, a soul longing for release from earth's grip.
Before it, a soul broken by its release.
Our whisper of contact is something that will cause pain with the fall...
For His blessing has just escaped with the thorn in my flesh.
~To everything that is my Songbird...this is my cry...Please hear my voice.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Without Walls Lies a Burning Light
I am sitting here, alone in a room, wondering what it all means. I keep finding myself at this cross-road of discovery and teaching...
I can't shake this feeling that God is relentlessly trying to show me something specific. No matter where I run (yes,I have tried), He keeps the picture right in front of my face, only I can't figure out the image. It is like one of those pictures therapists show you, ya know, " what does this look like to you." It has no right or wrong answer, but I feel like this picture does. It is an unwaivering riddle of imagery that will not give up.
All around me I feel the walls dissolving and the light that is revealed is blindingly bright. My eyes scream and cry out for relief; a little nighttime shade. They are the highway to my heart, and with that comes great responsibility. One that has an innate and instinctual sense of protection, and they are failing. What is being revealed all around me I want to escape. No person or place has taken away the anxiety, and I know they can't. Only my Father can, but shamefully I must say that I don't know where to begin to surrender when it comes to the current state of my heart. I have never dealt with this struggle of release before, so I find much guilt in that fact that yes, I am afraid.
Even as I write this, I feel the nakedness of my spirit being called upon. The fear I am experiencing , I suppose, is more the reason to bathe myself in His light of rescue... for all mine has accomplished is that of burned flesh.
"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
-Dylan Thomas
~So much love, J
I can't shake this feeling that God is relentlessly trying to show me something specific. No matter where I run (yes,I have tried), He keeps the picture right in front of my face, only I can't figure out the image. It is like one of those pictures therapists show you, ya know, " what does this look like to you." It has no right or wrong answer, but I feel like this picture does. It is an unwaivering riddle of imagery that will not give up.
All around me I feel the walls dissolving and the light that is revealed is blindingly bright. My eyes scream and cry out for relief; a little nighttime shade. They are the highway to my heart, and with that comes great responsibility. One that has an innate and instinctual sense of protection, and they are failing. What is being revealed all around me I want to escape. No person or place has taken away the anxiety, and I know they can't. Only my Father can, but shamefully I must say that I don't know where to begin to surrender when it comes to the current state of my heart. I have never dealt with this struggle of release before, so I find much guilt in that fact that yes, I am afraid.
Even as I write this, I feel the nakedness of my spirit being called upon. The fear I am experiencing , I suppose, is more the reason to bathe myself in His light of rescue... for all mine has accomplished is that of burned flesh.
"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
-Dylan Thomas
~So much love, J
For You...l'oiseau chanteur
You are the other half of me, relentless in your quest for destruction
I am not sure why this has to be done, and yet I still cling to an unwaivering faith
One that believes in the power of change
One that hopes for movement away from this feeling
A feeling that leaves me helpless, lost, and overwhelmingly alone
You are my light and my future; my greatest cause of pain
I have felt the fear you can cause, the abuse you give birth to, the damage you delight in
I am your muse of mockery, I am what you love to hate, I reflect all that suffocates your happiness
The disdain that drips from your every word is the only true love I know
I stand here now, trying to let go of my greatest addiction...one that will live on to plague my spirit and soul
So stay far away me, for I remain imprisoned by my past and toxic to my future.
~I have had many questions about this, so I will now give explaination...This is my way of moving forward and dissolving a part of my life's puzzle. It is apart of my quest for forgiveness and healing. It stems from my desire to move forward carrying a lighter load. It concludes as a way of holding myself accountable for my future and joy, free from blame and excuse.
... this is For You...
After much thought I have gained perspective and recognize when things need to end. That some things are for a season. That true love and pursuit of it are known by both parties and felt in the soul of each player. I now see clearly when to accept the verdict of the present time, and to not be disillusioned by the wordiness of the wordsmith. If something is true there will be no doubt, as I do not believe God tells two people two different things. Personal Forgiveness of the foolishness you feel is the only anesthetic needed to resurrect your spirit.
Listen to the lyrics of the songbird... it is performing the only melody you need to know, and that truth will send you flying into peaceful rhythm.
~Love and Prayers
I am not sure why this has to be done, and yet I still cling to an unwaivering faith
One that believes in the power of change
One that hopes for movement away from this feeling
A feeling that leaves me helpless, lost, and overwhelmingly alone
You are my light and my future; my greatest cause of pain
I have felt the fear you can cause, the abuse you give birth to, the damage you delight in
I am your muse of mockery, I am what you love to hate, I reflect all that suffocates your happiness
The disdain that drips from your every word is the only true love I know
I stand here now, trying to let go of my greatest addiction...one that will live on to plague my spirit and soul
So stay far away me, for I remain imprisoned by my past and toxic to my future.
~I have had many questions about this, so I will now give explaination...This is my way of moving forward and dissolving a part of my life's puzzle. It is apart of my quest for forgiveness and healing. It stems from my desire to move forward carrying a lighter load. It concludes as a way of holding myself accountable for my future and joy, free from blame and excuse.
... this is For You...
After much thought I have gained perspective and recognize when things need to end. That some things are for a season. That true love and pursuit of it are known by both parties and felt in the soul of each player. I now see clearly when to accept the verdict of the present time, and to not be disillusioned by the wordiness of the wordsmith. If something is true there will be no doubt, as I do not believe God tells two people two different things. Personal Forgiveness of the foolishness you feel is the only anesthetic needed to resurrect your spirit.
Listen to the lyrics of the songbird... it is performing the only melody you need to know, and that truth will send you flying into peaceful rhythm.
~Love and Prayers
Friday, November 30, 2007
"Planning" for a SHORT LIFE
This morning's sermon offered yet another thought provoking message. The topic was based on the idea that life is short. Not that this is an opinion, but I couldn't agree more.
Just looking around at different areas of my life, I can see so many moments that I miss. Moments that I fail to be completely submerged in due to being stuck on "planning" mode. Although this is something that I am sure everyone experiences, it is still unfortunate.The saddest part is that it causes us to bubble - wrap ourselves from wrong decisions in work, love, and our daily lives. It keeps us from receiving the things meant for our current reality.
I am not saying that to always idealize and live without a logical perspective is healthy, it isn't. What I am saying however, is that it is so important to surrender our self- imposed fates and lack of trust to God. I find that I fail to do this everyday... even when I am wearing my brightest rose-colored glasses.
By giving up our supposed "plan," I feel that we will all be more at peace and feel less of a need to control. We will have the opportunity to actually live our lives instead of prepare for it, as well as see the current blessings in front of us. We will be giving ourselves the opportunity to receive the things ready for our lives NOW...things we didn't plan for.
~ peace, love and prayers
Just looking around at different areas of my life, I can see so many moments that I miss. Moments that I fail to be completely submerged in due to being stuck on "planning" mode. Although this is something that I am sure everyone experiences, it is still unfortunate.The saddest part is that it causes us to bubble - wrap ourselves from wrong decisions in work, love, and our daily lives. It keeps us from receiving the things meant for our current reality.
I am not saying that to always idealize and live without a logical perspective is healthy, it isn't. What I am saying however, is that it is so important to surrender our self- imposed fates and lack of trust to God. I find that I fail to do this everyday... even when I am wearing my brightest rose-colored glasses.
By giving up our supposed "plan," I feel that we will all be more at peace and feel less of a need to control. We will have the opportunity to actually live our lives instead of prepare for it, as well as see the current blessings in front of us. We will be giving ourselves the opportunity to receive the things ready for our lives NOW...things we didn't plan for.
~ peace, love and prayers
Friday, November 23, 2007
Changes in Life and Love
First off, I recognize this is a little long, but with no school or work this week I have had much time to think...something I do best... and often to my own detriment :)
These past few months have been quite interesting for me. There have been so many changes that have gone on in my life in such a short period of time. I have changed many of the people in my life, changed jobs, changed majors, moved out on my own for the first time, and my parents moved out of the state. Not necesarily the hardest things in the world, but when they come at you all at once you do feel slightly at a loss for stability.
I started this journey of change excited, then grew to feel scared to death, and am now beginning to see the silver lining. I have been spending alot of time actively seeking strength and guidance from my Heavenly Father, searching in the most determined fashion. Thus, I am currently discovering a sense of peace that I have not had, not only since this erosion of change, but in years.
My typical mantra has always been to lean on everything and everyone around me. To search for any distraction that I could in order to find the missing puzzle piece in my life. In doing this I did find what I thought I was looking for, however, never permanantly. Such is the reason for my growing happiness, to recognize and find the greatest loyalty and listening ear in my God.
I feel that this is exactly where He wants me to be... on this journey, growing into a woman who seeks Him first before anyone or anything else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Speaking of being a woman...why do we do some of the crazy things we do? I find myself asking that question all the time....Why do we cry at everything on Oprah? Why do we have an innate desire for sweets after a rough day? Why do we have an almost crippling sense of empathy for anything hurting, small, or cute? Why do we love in the most vulnerable and raw way? ( that last one really trips me up!) I have pondered this often and still have trouble coming up with a finite anwer. These are some of the things that make us complicated and simple, fragile and strong...beautiful in every sense of the word.
With this said, I do feel it necesary to touch on this idea of love, since I have been known to be too available for a broken heart. Often, too in need of the pursuit that I have taken the work out of being pursued. I have confused being self- assured with being aggressive...this is certainly a fine line.
I am not saying that as women we need to be weak, passive, or any form of a shrinking violet. Nor should we settle for anything less than what we deserve. What I am saying is that we need to allow God to mold us into the woman He planned for us to be. As well as let our hearts be pursued by love, and not allow ourselves to grow antsy without that feeling of control.
We say we hope for someone passionate, someone strong, someone to be the spiritual leader... so relax and allow it to be presented... I will try to do the same...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving with family and friends. I know for some out there the Holidays can be a rough time, full of sadness and memories of loss. I wish you a heart full of peace and joy absent of any feeling of loneliness... Many prayers and much love:)
These past few months have been quite interesting for me. There have been so many changes that have gone on in my life in such a short period of time. I have changed many of the people in my life, changed jobs, changed majors, moved out on my own for the first time, and my parents moved out of the state. Not necesarily the hardest things in the world, but when they come at you all at once you do feel slightly at a loss for stability.
I started this journey of change excited, then grew to feel scared to death, and am now beginning to see the silver lining. I have been spending alot of time actively seeking strength and guidance from my Heavenly Father, searching in the most determined fashion. Thus, I am currently discovering a sense of peace that I have not had, not only since this erosion of change, but in years.
My typical mantra has always been to lean on everything and everyone around me. To search for any distraction that I could in order to find the missing puzzle piece in my life. In doing this I did find what I thought I was looking for, however, never permanantly. Such is the reason for my growing happiness, to recognize and find the greatest loyalty and listening ear in my God.
I feel that this is exactly where He wants me to be... on this journey, growing into a woman who seeks Him first before anyone or anything else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Speaking of being a woman...why do we do some of the crazy things we do? I find myself asking that question all the time....Why do we cry at everything on Oprah? Why do we have an innate desire for sweets after a rough day? Why do we have an almost crippling sense of empathy for anything hurting, small, or cute? Why do we love in the most vulnerable and raw way? ( that last one really trips me up!) I have pondered this often and still have trouble coming up with a finite anwer. These are some of the things that make us complicated and simple, fragile and strong...beautiful in every sense of the word.
With this said, I do feel it necesary to touch on this idea of love, since I have been known to be too available for a broken heart. Often, too in need of the pursuit that I have taken the work out of being pursued. I have confused being self- assured with being aggressive...this is certainly a fine line.
I am not saying that as women we need to be weak, passive, or any form of a shrinking violet. Nor should we settle for anything less than what we deserve. What I am saying is that we need to allow God to mold us into the woman He planned for us to be. As well as let our hearts be pursued by love, and not allow ourselves to grow antsy without that feeling of control.
We say we hope for someone passionate, someone strong, someone to be the spiritual leader... so relax and allow it to be presented... I will try to do the same...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving with family and friends. I know for some out there the Holidays can be a rough time, full of sadness and memories of loss. I wish you a heart full of peace and joy absent of any feeling of loneliness... Many prayers and much love:)
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