Without Walls Lies a Burning Light

I am sitting here, alone in a room, wondering what it all means. I keep finding myself at this cross-road of discovery and teaching...

I can't shake this feeling that God is relentlessly trying to show me something specific. No matter where I run (yes,I have tried), He keeps the picture right in front of my face, only I can't figure out the image. It is like one of those pictures therapists show you, ya know, " what does this look like to you." It has no right or wrong answer, but I feel like this picture does. It is an unwaivering riddle of imagery that will not give up.

All around me I feel the walls dissolving and the light that is revealed is blindingly bright. My eyes scream and cry out for relief; a little nighttime shade. They are the highway to my heart, and with that comes great responsibility. One that has an innate and instinctual sense of protection, and they are failing. What is being revealed all around me I want to escape. No person or place has taken away the anxiety, and I know they can't. Only my Father can, but shamefully I must say that I don't know where to begin to surrender when it comes to the current state of my heart. I have never dealt with this struggle of release before, so I find much guilt in that fact that yes, I am afraid.

Even as I write this, I feel the nakedness of my spirit being called upon. The fear I am experiencing , I suppose, is more the reason to bathe myself in His light of rescue... for all mine has accomplished is that of burned flesh.

"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
-Dylan Thomas

~So much love, J