This morning's sermon offered yet another thought provoking message. The topic was based on the idea that life is short. Not that this is an opinion, but I couldn't agree more.
Just looking around at different areas of my life, I can see so many moments that I miss. Moments that I fail to be completely submerged in due to being stuck on "planning" mode. Although this is something that I am sure everyone experiences, it is still unfortunate.The saddest part is that it causes us to bubble - wrap ourselves from wrong decisions in work, love, and our daily lives. It keeps us from receiving the things meant for our current reality.
I am not saying that to always idealize and live without a logical perspective is healthy, it isn't. What I am saying however, is that it is so important to surrender our self- imposed fates and lack of trust to God. I find that I fail to do this everyday... even when I am wearing my brightest rose-colored glasses.
By giving up our supposed "plan," I feel that we will all be more at peace and feel less of a need to control. We will have the opportunity to actually live our lives instead of prepare for it, as well as see the current blessings in front of us. We will be giving ourselves the opportunity to receive the things ready for our lives NOW...things we didn't plan for.
~ peace, love and prayers
Friday, November 30, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Changes in Life and Love
First off, I recognize this is a little long, but with no school or work this week I have had much time to think...something I do best... and often to my own detriment :)
These past few months have been quite interesting for me. There have been so many changes that have gone on in my life in such a short period of time. I have changed many of the people in my life, changed jobs, changed majors, moved out on my own for the first time, and my parents moved out of the state. Not necesarily the hardest things in the world, but when they come at you all at once you do feel slightly at a loss for stability.
I started this journey of change excited, then grew to feel scared to death, and am now beginning to see the silver lining. I have been spending alot of time actively seeking strength and guidance from my Heavenly Father, searching in the most determined fashion. Thus, I am currently discovering a sense of peace that I have not had, not only since this erosion of change, but in years.
My typical mantra has always been to lean on everything and everyone around me. To search for any distraction that I could in order to find the missing puzzle piece in my life. In doing this I did find what I thought I was looking for, however, never permanantly. Such is the reason for my growing happiness, to recognize and find the greatest loyalty and listening ear in my God.
I feel that this is exactly where He wants me to be... on this journey, growing into a woman who seeks Him first before anyone or anything else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Speaking of being a woman...why do we do some of the crazy things we do? I find myself asking that question all the time....Why do we cry at everything on Oprah? Why do we have an innate desire for sweets after a rough day? Why do we have an almost crippling sense of empathy for anything hurting, small, or cute? Why do we love in the most vulnerable and raw way? ( that last one really trips me up!) I have pondered this often and still have trouble coming up with a finite anwer. These are some of the things that make us complicated and simple, fragile and strong...beautiful in every sense of the word.
With this said, I do feel it necesary to touch on this idea of love, since I have been known to be too available for a broken heart. Often, too in need of the pursuit that I have taken the work out of being pursued. I have confused being self- assured with being aggressive...this is certainly a fine line.
I am not saying that as women we need to be weak, passive, or any form of a shrinking violet. Nor should we settle for anything less than what we deserve. What I am saying is that we need to allow God to mold us into the woman He planned for us to be. As well as let our hearts be pursued by love, and not allow ourselves to grow antsy without that feeling of control.
We say we hope for someone passionate, someone strong, someone to be the spiritual leader... so relax and allow it to be presented... I will try to do the same...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving with family and friends. I know for some out there the Holidays can be a rough time, full of sadness and memories of loss. I wish you a heart full of peace and joy absent of any feeling of loneliness... Many prayers and much love:)
These past few months have been quite interesting for me. There have been so many changes that have gone on in my life in such a short period of time. I have changed many of the people in my life, changed jobs, changed majors, moved out on my own for the first time, and my parents moved out of the state. Not necesarily the hardest things in the world, but when they come at you all at once you do feel slightly at a loss for stability.
I started this journey of change excited, then grew to feel scared to death, and am now beginning to see the silver lining. I have been spending alot of time actively seeking strength and guidance from my Heavenly Father, searching in the most determined fashion. Thus, I am currently discovering a sense of peace that I have not had, not only since this erosion of change, but in years.
My typical mantra has always been to lean on everything and everyone around me. To search for any distraction that I could in order to find the missing puzzle piece in my life. In doing this I did find what I thought I was looking for, however, never permanantly. Such is the reason for my growing happiness, to recognize and find the greatest loyalty and listening ear in my God.
I feel that this is exactly where He wants me to be... on this journey, growing into a woman who seeks Him first before anyone or anything else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Speaking of being a woman...why do we do some of the crazy things we do? I find myself asking that question all the time....Why do we cry at everything on Oprah? Why do we have an innate desire for sweets after a rough day? Why do we have an almost crippling sense of empathy for anything hurting, small, or cute? Why do we love in the most vulnerable and raw way? ( that last one really trips me up!) I have pondered this often and still have trouble coming up with a finite anwer. These are some of the things that make us complicated and simple, fragile and strong...beautiful in every sense of the word.
With this said, I do feel it necesary to touch on this idea of love, since I have been known to be too available for a broken heart. Often, too in need of the pursuit that I have taken the work out of being pursued. I have confused being self- assured with being aggressive...this is certainly a fine line.
I am not saying that as women we need to be weak, passive, or any form of a shrinking violet. Nor should we settle for anything less than what we deserve. What I am saying is that we need to allow God to mold us into the woman He planned for us to be. As well as let our hearts be pursued by love, and not allow ourselves to grow antsy without that feeling of control.
We say we hope for someone passionate, someone strong, someone to be the spiritual leader... so relax and allow it to be presented... I will try to do the same...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving with family and friends. I know for some out there the Holidays can be a rough time, full of sadness and memories of loss. I wish you a heart full of peace and joy absent of any feeling of loneliness... Many prayers and much love:)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Gray Hope
How is it that we are so lost? On an uncertain path with little regard or care for the direction we are headed...
We are so focused and absorbed by our hurtful past, unseen future, and general mental handcuffs that we fail time and again to be "present" in the present. We take little time to nuture who we are today, how to change today, how to be better today. Thus, causing us to find ourselves in a constant pattern in our daily lives. A pattern that involves us being rained on and imprisoned by the overwhelming tasks of our reality.
Have you ever felt the paralyzing state of fear that is so numbing it is all you can do to simply take a breath, only to find that even that requires too much bravery? If you know this feeling, then you know exactly what I am talking about. I recently found myself in this place, hoping to escape from my remembered past and unknown future. Hopeful that for a moment I could sleep away any sense of pain and not have to face it. I found myself so caught in every aspect of my existance... except for the present moment and location of it.
Wondering where this came from I graduated into a place of emotional purging. I realized that there were so many things from my past that I have never grieved or truly "dealt" with. All of these things holding me hostage in fear.
I have for too long been crippled and held prisoner by my hearts heaviness and uncertainty. Thus, perpetuating ways and ideas that I know are toxic to my spirit. I have not been taking resposnsiblility for the letting go of my heart's resentment. I have not been asking for the healing and forgiveness that can only be given by God's love for me.
Through beginning to seek Him more actively, I am feeling and seeing a glimmer of focus. I am optimistic that with great purpose and faith I can start this new path. A path paved by God's forgiveness, love, and acceptance and free from aggression, control and resentment. I want too badly to see all that my Father has in store for everyday to allow myself to stay frozen in my past or intimidated by my future... no matter how scary it is. I am walking away from my heart and mind's black and white fear and into the gray hope.
We are so focused and absorbed by our hurtful past, unseen future, and general mental handcuffs that we fail time and again to be "present" in the present. We take little time to nuture who we are today, how to change today, how to be better today. Thus, causing us to find ourselves in a constant pattern in our daily lives. A pattern that involves us being rained on and imprisoned by the overwhelming tasks of our reality.
Have you ever felt the paralyzing state of fear that is so numbing it is all you can do to simply take a breath, only to find that even that requires too much bravery? If you know this feeling, then you know exactly what I am talking about. I recently found myself in this place, hoping to escape from my remembered past and unknown future. Hopeful that for a moment I could sleep away any sense of pain and not have to face it. I found myself so caught in every aspect of my existance... except for the present moment and location of it.
Wondering where this came from I graduated into a place of emotional purging. I realized that there were so many things from my past that I have never grieved or truly "dealt" with. All of these things holding me hostage in fear.
I have for too long been crippled and held prisoner by my hearts heaviness and uncertainty. Thus, perpetuating ways and ideas that I know are toxic to my spirit. I have not been taking resposnsiblility for the letting go of my heart's resentment. I have not been asking for the healing and forgiveness that can only be given by God's love for me.
Through beginning to seek Him more actively, I am feeling and seeing a glimmer of focus. I am optimistic that with great purpose and faith I can start this new path. A path paved by God's forgiveness, love, and acceptance and free from aggression, control and resentment. I want too badly to see all that my Father has in store for everyday to allow myself to stay frozen in my past or intimidated by my future... no matter how scary it is. I am walking away from my heart and mind's black and white fear and into the gray hope.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
The Great Temptation
Today's sermon at my church gave me a chance to further ponder something that has been plaguing my mind for some time. The topic was temptation, and it is something we all face everyday. Then, later today I got a phone call from someone whose conversation solidified my frustration with this struggle... I grew to feel sad and concerned. I know that temptation is something that has absorbed my character and taken me under at times, so I feel able to make some type of opinion on it...
In today's society we are told on a daily basis what is "normal." We are bombarded with images that captivate our senses, making it almost unbearble to fight the things that we have learned in church and from our families to resist. My question is, when did things such as pornography, weight/food obsession, substance abuse and general social immorality become "normal?" Further, who decided that these things are" normal" for our lives and should be accepted. We have become a society based on the idea of instant gratification, a mindset I have personally owned at times. We only care about what feels good in the moment, not caring or having the integrity to take responsibility for the truth we know from our faith and beliefs. We have become so disillusioned as a nation and are sadly showing no signs of stopping.
I feel that considering our potential and consequential downward spiral as a tempted society, this is not something we should or can accept. We all know where we are weak to our sinful desires, and instead of embracing them as something that "everyone does" we should take responsiblity for our lives authenticity. No longer do we need to live in the ignorance of our temptation, as it is our job to redefine "normal" for the better of those whose lives we can and do affect. For I can only hope, and refuse to believe, that my struggles have been in vain...
In today's society we are told on a daily basis what is "normal." We are bombarded with images that captivate our senses, making it almost unbearble to fight the things that we have learned in church and from our families to resist. My question is, when did things such as pornography, weight/food obsession, substance abuse and general social immorality become "normal?" Further, who decided that these things are" normal" for our lives and should be accepted. We have become a society based on the idea of instant gratification, a mindset I have personally owned at times. We only care about what feels good in the moment, not caring or having the integrity to take responsibility for the truth we know from our faith and beliefs. We have become so disillusioned as a nation and are sadly showing no signs of stopping.
I feel that considering our potential and consequential downward spiral as a tempted society, this is not something we should or can accept. We all know where we are weak to our sinful desires, and instead of embracing them as something that "everyone does" we should take responsiblity for our lives authenticity. No longer do we need to live in the ignorance of our temptation, as it is our job to redefine "normal" for the better of those whose lives we can and do affect. For I can only hope, and refuse to believe, that my struggles have been in vain...
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