Hazy is the vision through the storm
Confusion plagued by beaming rays of light
No shield large enough to offer relief
Still, you go gently; cautious with a weary heart
Beauty is the reflection in the mirage of clarity
As you fill up your being with the desires of the other
Treading with ethereal confidence in the safety you reside
The waves blow up and take you under with the swell
You will swim forever in the odyssey of hope
Kept safe in the clear sight of the selfless

~~ You may never know the beauty that you radiate, but it burns brightly into the souls lucky with recognition. You are a cross with a yellow rose, you are the quiet one...who you just have to get to know.

Love- J

I do it for LOVE

After many months of only having passion for writing blogs about the tragedies and depressions of my life, I have recently started to become engaged in my blessings (through taking responsibility for my own self-inflicted crap, of course). I am so thankful to see the silver lining and come out of the other side of my "victim" choke-hold...
Such is why I am writing this; as a labor of love to the people in my life who are so valued, who hold/held me accountable, and whom I could not have been inspired to grow without. I believe that with God and His desires for my life, I have been given gifts of friendship that I have never experienced before. I am thankful for every single person who has rallied around me these past few months...thank you for showing me what I have been too stubborn to see before; acceptance, loyalty, patience, and unconditional love....It is amazing what can happen when you LET IT GO and give it up to Him! I love you all so much...you know who you are <3

-Jess

The Melody of Thorns

I hear the voice, my beautiful enigma.
He is calling out to me, as his melody echoes in my heart.
He wants to show me something beautifully unfamiliar.
I cling to desperate hope.

Drawing closer with the innocence of the un-jaded,
I see the light that casts upon his face.
A light that masks what most fail to invision;
A glow of transparency that brings forth a humble heart .

Beyond it, a soul longing for release from earth's grip.
Before it, a soul broken by its release.
Our whisper of contact is something that will cause pain with the fall...
For His blessing has just escaped with the thorn in my flesh.


~To everything that is my Songbird...this is my cry...Please hear my voice.

Without Walls Lies a Burning Light

I am sitting here, alone in a room, wondering what it all means. I keep finding myself at this cross-road of discovery and teaching...

I can't shake this feeling that God is relentlessly trying to show me something specific. No matter where I run (yes,I have tried), He keeps the picture right in front of my face, only I can't figure out the image. It is like one of those pictures therapists show you, ya know, " what does this look like to you." It has no right or wrong answer, but I feel like this picture does. It is an unwaivering riddle of imagery that will not give up.

All around me I feel the walls dissolving and the light that is revealed is blindingly bright. My eyes scream and cry out for relief; a little nighttime shade. They are the highway to my heart, and with that comes great responsibility. One that has an innate and instinctual sense of protection, and they are failing. What is being revealed all around me I want to escape. No person or place has taken away the anxiety, and I know they can't. Only my Father can, but shamefully I must say that I don't know where to begin to surrender when it comes to the current state of my heart. I have never dealt with this struggle of release before, so I find much guilt in that fact that yes, I am afraid.

Even as I write this, I feel the nakedness of my spirit being called upon. The fear I am experiencing , I suppose, is more the reason to bathe myself in His light of rescue... for all mine has accomplished is that of burned flesh.

"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
-Dylan Thomas

~So much love, J

For You...l'oiseau chanteur

You are the other half of me, relentless in your quest for destruction

I am not sure why this has to be done, and yet I still cling to an unwaivering faith

One that believes in the power of change

One that hopes for movement away from this feeling

A feeling that leaves me helpless, lost, and overwhelmingly alone

You are my light and my future; my greatest cause of pain

I have felt the fear you can cause, the abuse you give birth to, the damage you delight in

I am your muse of mockery, I am what you love to hate, I reflect all that suffocates your happiness

The disdain that drips from your every word is the only true love I know

I stand here now, trying to let go of my greatest addiction...one that will live on to plague my spirit and soul

So stay far away me, for I remain imprisoned by my past and toxic to my future.

~I have had many questions about this, so I will now give explaination...This is my way of moving forward and dissolving a part of my life's puzzle. It is apart of my quest for forgiveness and healing. It stems from my desire to move forward carrying a lighter load. It concludes as a way of holding myself accountable for my future and joy, free from blame and excuse.

... this is For You...

After much thought I have gained perspective and recognize when things need to end. That some things are for a season. That true love and pursuit of it are known by both parties and felt in the soul of each player. I now see clearly when to accept the verdict of the present time, and to not be disillusioned by the wordiness of the wordsmith. If something is true there will be no doubt, as I do not believe God tells two people two different things. Personal Forgiveness of the foolishness you feel is the only anesthetic needed to resurrect your spirit.

Listen to the lyrics of the songbird... it is performing the only melody you need to know, and that truth will send you flying into peaceful rhythm.

~Love and Prayers

"Planning" for a SHORT LIFE

This morning's sermon offered yet another thought provoking message. The topic was based on the idea that life is short. Not that this is an opinion, but I couldn't agree more.
Just looking around at different areas of my life, I can see so many moments that I miss. Moments that I fail to be completely submerged in due to being stuck on "planning" mode. Although this is something that I am sure everyone experiences, it is still unfortunate.The saddest part is that it causes us to bubble - wrap ourselves from wrong decisions in work, love, and our daily lives. It keeps us from receiving the things meant for our current reality.
I am not saying that to always idealize and live without a logical perspective is healthy, it isn't. What I am saying however, is that it is so important to surrender our self- imposed fates and lack of trust to God. I find that I fail to do this everyday... even when I am wearing my brightest rose-colored glasses.
By giving up our supposed "plan," I feel that we will all be more at peace and feel less of a need to control. We will have the opportunity to actually live our lives instead of prepare for it, as well as see the current blessings in front of us. We will be giving ourselves the opportunity to receive the things ready for our lives NOW...things we didn't plan for.
~ peace, love and prayers

Changes in Life and Love

First off, I recognize this is a little long, but with no school or work this week I have had much time to think...something I do best... and often to my own detriment :)
These past few months have been quite interesting for me. There have been so many changes that have gone on in my life in such a short period of time. I have changed many of the people in my life, changed jobs, changed majors, moved out on my own for the first time, and my parents moved out of the state. Not necesarily the hardest things in the world, but when they come at you all at once you do feel slightly at a loss for stability.
I started this journey of change excited, then grew to feel scared to death, and am now beginning to see the silver lining. I have been spending alot of time actively seeking strength and guidance from my Heavenly Father, searching in the most determined fashion. Thus, I am currently discovering a sense of peace that I have not had, not only since this erosion of change, but in years.
My typical mantra has always been to lean on everything and everyone around me. To search for any distraction that I could in order to find the missing puzzle piece in my life. In doing this I did find what I thought I was looking for, however, never permanantly. Such is the reason for my growing happiness, to recognize and find the greatest loyalty and listening ear in my God.
I feel that this is exactly where He wants me to be... on this journey, growing into a woman who seeks Him first before anyone or anything else.
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Speaking of being a woman...why do we do some of the crazy things we do? I find myself asking that question all the time....Why do we cry at everything on Oprah? Why do we have an innate desire for sweets after a rough day? Why do we have an almost crippling sense of empathy for anything hurting, small, or cute? Why do we love in the most vulnerable and raw way? ( that last one really trips me up!) I have pondered this often and still have trouble coming up with a finite anwer. These are some of the things that make us complicated and simple, fragile and strong...beautiful in every sense of the word.
With this said, I do feel it necesary to touch on this idea of love, since I have been known to be too available for a broken heart. Often, too in need of the pursuit that I have taken the work out of being pursued. I have confused being self- assured with being aggressive...this is certainly a fine line.
I am not saying that as women we need to be weak, passive, or any form of a shrinking violet. Nor should we settle for anything less than what we deserve. What I am saying is that we need to allow God to mold us into the woman He planned for us to be. As well as let our hearts be pursued by love, and not allow ourselves to grow antsy without that feeling of control.
We say we hope for someone passionate, someone strong, someone to be the spiritual leader... so relax and allow it to be presented... I will try to do the same...
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I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving with family and friends. I know for some out there the Holidays can be a rough time, full of sadness and memories of loss. I wish you a heart full of peace and joy absent of any feeling of loneliness... Many prayers and much love:)